Strangers
Nicole Wendler holds a PhD in biology in the field of oncology and immunology. As a medical editor, author and proofreader, she works for various publishers, for whom she presents complex and extensive medical issues in a simple, concise and logical manner.
More about the experts All content is checked by medical journalists.If babies become strangers, they offend some friendly people. Even your own dad is suddenly spurned! From a developmental point of view, strangling is an important step for the child. Read here why a baby strangers, when it starts and how you should best deal with it.
If your child was recently a sunshine that looked curiously at everyone, from one day to the next it reacts with rejection of its environment. A quick eye contact and it's over: the child turns away, holds his hands in front of his face, retains his mother's arm or even cries.
The explanation is very simple: your baby is strangers! But that is not a cause for concern. Strangling is rather an important step in the development of your child and a sign of emotional and social maturity.
When do babies become strangers?
When babies become strangers, how pronounced the strangers are depends on the personal speed and individual character of your child.
Usually the insecurity towards strangers increases between the 4th and 8th month of life. The developmental psychologist Réné A. Spitz therefore gave the Fremdel phase the name "8-month anxiety".
Why do babies stranger?
In the stranger phase, your baby begins to differentiate between familiar and unfamiliar. Already in the first few months mom and dad can recognize it by their voice and smell. A few months later, however, it can also clearly recognize the face of its closest caregivers and differentiate it from less familiar people.
Strangling is therefore simply a natural and healthy distance from strangers. From an evolutionary point of view, aliens are an important protective mechanism for survival.
Strangling often sets in when the baby's radius expands due to seals and crawling. The freedom gained in this way also makes you a little afraid. At the age of two to three years, the strangeness subsides more and more.
Strangers: fear of separation
Another important aspect expresses itself in strangeness: separation anxiety. In the first few months of life, the baby has learned that his caregiver will reliably take care of him and meet his needs. It is cared for, given nourishment, love and consolation.
From this security, it develops what is known as basic trust, which will later be decisive for interpersonal relationships. But at this point in time, your child is still completely dependent on you. As soon as you leave the room or its field of vision, it reacts with restlessness or even panic.
Strangers - a sign of a secure bond
Whether intensely or only slightly: If your baby strangers to others, there is a secure and stable bond between you and your child. Your child knows that you have a reliable base station in you when there is grief, fear and uncertainty. Only with this knowledge can it courageously explore its environment and develop an open and self-confident personality.
Strangers: assess the danger situation
Mother or father are also a kind of reassurance in unfamiliar territory when they are strangers: the child assesses an unfamiliar situation based on parental behavior. If mom or dad are excited or afraid, the child knows that there may be danger here. So you have a role model function and have to assess situations realistically for your child.
Too much caution is just as harmful to the child as too little. In this way, over-anxious parents can slow down their offspring's thirst for action. An attitude that is too carefree conveys to the child that there is basically no danger from strangers.
What to do if the baby strangers
As a parent, you can't train your baby to be stranger - and neither should you. Support your child in the stranger phase by giving them security and security.
If your baby is strangling, don't force him into the arms of loved ones if he doesn't want to. But you shouldn't overprotect an unfamiliar child either. Social skills, which are important for the rest of his life, can only be developed in contact with other people.
Tips in dealing with strangers?
The following measures will help to get your child used to a new person, for example the babysitter, during the stranger phase:
- Be patient!
- Gradually establish contact with this new person together.
- Include the person in activities: playing, feeding, changing diapers.
- Announce that you are leaving and be positive and cheerful - don't sneak away.
- Test run within reach: leave the room only briefly and gradually increase your absence.
When babies don't stray
In most cases there is a secure bond between mother and child. Babies who are strangers then react relatively in the same way: If the mother wants to leave the room, they start to cry or cling on. When the mother comes back, the joy is great: the child runs up to the mother and throws herself into her arms. After a short consolation, it calms down relatively quickly and continues to play relaxed.
For developmental psychologists, behavior that deviates from this is an indication that the bond is less stable. If a baby does not strangle, it is usually due to negative experiences with the caregiver. If they experience negative, distant behavior, mood swings, emotional coldness, neglect or abuse, the bond is disturbed.
Strangers - a question of character
The attachment behavior is also genetically pre-programmed and not only dependent on the behavior of the mother or other close caregivers. There are daredevils who bravely plunge into everything, and fearful bunnies who carefully and timidly explore everything new.
The extent to which a baby strangers is also shaped by the child's character. Parents can take countermeasures here, i.e. slow down or encourage, and have a positive effect on the child's posture through their behavior. But regardless of whether the strangeness of your baby is strong or weak, be its safe haven from which it can set off on new adventures!
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