"Think every day, I was lucky!"

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A few minutes at the doctor's can change a whole life. This is the case with a diagnosis of breast cancer. Michaela Kaeding met her five years ago. In the interview, she explains why she still feels happiness and how she lives with the constant threat

Michaela Kaeding

Michaela, five years ago you developed breast cancer at the age of 34. There you stood in the middle of life. Where are you today

I would say still in the middle of life. But of course a lot has changed after my illness. I try to live more in the here and now, to enjoy beautiful moments, to stop putting off things that are important to me and to realize some of my dreams - I was with my husband in Kenya among giraffes and zebras. I don't know if I'll still be able to do that in 20 or 30 years, so I'll do it now.

How close is cancer to you?

Cancer is a long way off. The longer it has been since the diagnosis, the more normality has returned. I am working again in the same job as before as a Human Resources Business Partner at a subsidiary of Telekom. And so I get back into stressful situations just as I did before the illness. I can't be different - like every other person, I have to struggle with the mills of everyday life.

What do you do to avoid being grinded?

I try to reflect. When it's a very stressful working day, I say to myself: 'Warning, on the one hand this is not healthy, and on the other hand I don't want it anymore.' I don't find it particularly nice to have to show others the red card - me only pull it in an absolute emergency. But I can't and don't want to have a twelve-hour day. I had that before my illness and it wasn't good for me. I then say that for health reasons I only work part-time.

Sometimes you need people to help you reflect.

Of course I have them, of course. First and foremost, my husband and friends say: 'Michaela, actually you should have learned from the experience in 2008. It feels like you've forgotten everything. ‘

Do such uncomfortable truths hurt?

No, that's good for me - I tend to perceive such mental nudges as positive. It's good if you get your head washed in between. I sit down, worry and usually know straight away: 'He or she is absolutely right!' Whether the implementation always works that way is another story.

You can no longer see the disease today. How much understanding does your environment still show you?

People who are very close to me privately have seen firsthand how bad I have been with the last chemotherapy treatments. You therefore have a completely different understanding of me. It's a little different at work. When I got back to work and got through radiation and chemos, the disease was still visible. And anyone who noticed that today is more likely to ask: 'How are you?' I am like any other employee and am not treated any differently.

Many say yes, breast cancer changed their life - also in a positive way. what did you win?

The first thing that pops into my head is, 'I managed to fight this disease!' That makes me very proud. I met people in rehab who didn't - they are no longer there today. In addition, through the illness I got to know people who I would never have met otherwise. By the way, they are people who have become very important to me. And I started doing sports more and more. In the past, I often didn't take the time, I was very determined by my work. Today I go to the gym three to four times a week or do Nordic walking - at home, nature is right in front of my nose.

After chemotherapy, you weren't even able to take a few steps at times.

That's right, today I can do a lot of kilometers. I take my sticks, no matter how cold it is, wrap myself up and find it wonderful when I trot through the field early in the morning when nobody is around. I enjoy the silence and imagine that it must be really good for my body when the oxygen is pumped into it. I don't know if that's true, but it makes me feel good.

When was the last time you thought you were lucky?

Honestly? I think so every day. I was lucky that I have optimism and fighting spirit - they are limitless with me - and have not let me down. This is how I conquered the disease, I am firmly convinced of that.

You have had countless chemotherapy and radiation treatments behind you. Have you been physically harmed by cancer therapies?

Yes, unfortunately. I still have numbness in my fingers, joint pain and occasional difficulty concentrating. I had that shortly after therapy. Words couldn't occur to me, for example I wanted to say 'glass' but could only remember 'mug'. Or I asked my husband: 'Will you give me the fork for the soup?' I missed the word spoon. They say that you keep any health problems that you still have after two years. I can confirm that. I also struggle with menopausal symptoms that older women usually have.That's unpleasant, but if that's the price that I'm still here today, then it's my right.

Breast cancer won't let you go, there are many check-ups - how do you deal with the constant threat?

I try to be more aware of alarm signals from my body without going mad. A carefree visit to the doctor is hardly possible for me. I cannot deny that I am afraid of relapse. Before any major examination such as liver sonography, mammography or MRI, I am quite relaxed - until the day before. When the appointment comes, I am incredibly nervous and think: 'Please, please, let everything be alright!' If the doctors don't discover anything, I regularly take a load off my heart and I say to myself: 'So, now you're back at it Year time '.

A disease takes up space in a life. For some it is a DIN A4 sheet, for others a whole soccer field. How much space does the cancer have with you?

If I get up in the morning and my fingers are numb, I can't move them, then the disease takes a place in my life - inevitably. But I make sure that it doesn't get too big.

Doctors say that after five years without relapse you will be cured. With you it would be time now.

I don't know if I'm cured. Nobody can tell me whether there aren't individual cancer cells haunted around the body that are not yet visible. As long as no doctor tells me the opposite, I consider myself healthy. That's the better word.

Michaela, thank you for the interview!

Ingrid Müller conducted the interview. She has known Michaela personally for several years.

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