Mental Illnesses: The Power of Relatives

Christiane Fux studied journalism and psychology in Hamburg. The experienced medical editor has been writing magazine articles, news and factual texts on all conceivable health topics since 2001. In addition to her work for, Christiane Fux is also active in prose. Her first crime novel was published in 2012, and she also writes, designs and publishes her own crime plays.

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Whether depression, anxiety disorders or schizophrenia: Mostly, mental illnesses do not occur with a bang. They seep quietly and slowly into the lives of those affected - and often remain undetected for a long time. No x-rays, no laboratory values, no fever proves: The person who is mentally ill is ill.

Illness is not a weakness

"It is therefore difficult for those affected to accept their suffering as a disease," explains Prof. Arno Deister in an interview with The psychiatrist is the chief physician of the Center for Psychosocial Medicine at the Itzehoe Clinic and has been working with mentally ill people for four decades.

“Some try for a long time to maintain a facade,” says Deister. They suffered from feelings of shame and guilt, when they no longer function as usual, they do everything so that no one notices how they are doing.

It is often even more difficult for relatives to recognize that their partner, girlfriend, or their own child suffers from a mental illness. “That often takes some time - but you can't blame anyone for that. It depends on how we deal with mental illness, ”said the psychiatrist, who is also the chairman of the Mental Health Action Alliance.

You can't walk with a broken leg

“Words like: pull yourself together a bit,” Deister reports. The problem is: you cannot defeat mental illness with sheer willpower. “Even a patient with a broken leg doesn't walk because he doesn't want to, but because he can't.” And just as broken limbs can only be healed if they are splinted and properly cared for, mentally ill people need adequate treatment in order to be able to recovered.

The first step towards this is openness: the key is to clearly address the problem - not to ignore the elephant in the room any longer. It's not easy, because mental illness is still a taboo. "It's difficult to understand things that we can't see - that scares us," says Deister.

Talk about the elephant in the room

Many relatives then experienced that they ran open doors with those affected, reports the psychiatrist. Those affected are often relieved when their needs are seen and taken seriously, when they can talk to someone about them.

Sometimes you also have to build bridges: “Men with depression, for example, have great difficulty standing by their illness because it does not fit into their own role model. Then it is important to show that this is not a weakness, but a disease. "

"Good friends often hold out"

The inhibition threshold is also high with other affected persons: The fear of revealing oneself often arises from the fear of being abandoned. In fact, casual acquaintances often withdraw in such a phase - the network becomes smaller. But: “Well-functioning partnerships usually persist, and good friends also very often last,” says Deister.

“I will stay by your side, I will support you”, is therefore an important message for those who are sick. But it is just as important to make it clear that the person affected must take responsibility for their illness and accept professional help.

To demand this is a good right of the relatives. Because they too suffer seriously from the situation - sometimes even more than the person affected.

There is the partner, who is trapped in the shell of his depression, seems joyless and cold-hearted. There is the roommate who, in a manic phase, may waste the common household money and throw a party every evening. Or the best friend who is convinced that aliens have transplanted a transmitter under his skin and that you have allied yourself with them.

Bad words often express illness

It is important for relatives to understand the sometimes hurtful behavior of a mentally ill person as part of the illness. “When bad words are spoken, relatives think: 'Now he's finally telling the truth. Now I know what he really thinks of me! ‘But that's wrong!” Explains Deister. What someone says during the illness and how he behaves is shaped by his experience of illness. "These are illness phenomena that wrap themselves over the person."

Also utterances like: “Don't worry about me, live your life. I have to cope on my own ”, then arise not from trust in their own strength, but because those affected protect their relatives and do not want to be a burden on them.

Offer specific help

Relatives can support a person affected not only by listening to them and encouraging them to seek professional treatment, but also by providing very practical help. Unfortunately, finding them often requires a certain amount of perseverance and tenacity, which the patients themselves often cannot muster. It is important to make appointments with your family doctor or psychiatrist, telephone lists of possible therapists and, if necessary, chauffeur the person concerned to the appointment.

Despite all the commitment, relatives should not make themselves therapists: "You have to recognize in good time that you can support, but not solve the problem." unintentionally supports the disease pattern.

What to do if there is no insight into the disease?

"If someone does not understand that they are sick, they will not be persuaded to seek help," warns Deister. This applies in particular to psychotic illnesses in which those affected live in a delusional system. In individual severe cases, the relatives would then have to take responsibility and ensure that the person concerned is treated against his will if necessary, because there is no other way to protect him.

And then there are also the cases in which the person concerned is simply not ready to seek help. “Then you have to part and leave. That is very sad, but then it is sometimes like that, "says the psychiatrist.

The top priority: take care of yourself

His advice to all relatives: "Take care of yourself and get help when in doubt!" To sacrifice oneself does not work in the long run. Recharge your batteries in the encounter with mentally healthy people, cultivate hobbies, create freedom - these are prerequisites for not getting sick yourself.

It can also be helpful to seek therapeutic support yourself in view of the stress. In particular, however, the exchange with other relatives gives strength - and there are many.

Every fourth to fifth person is affected by a mental illness. And since most of those affected are not close to just one person, the army of relatives is far larger. That is why there are almost everywhere self-help groups for relatives of patients with a wide variety of mental illnesses - from addiction to depression to schizophrenia.

Dramatically improved options for help

The good news for sick people and relatives is that most mental illnesses can now be treated very well - even if not always completely cured.

Deister started working as a psychiatrist 40 years ago. "Since then, the treatment options have improved dramatically," he reports. This also applies to medication, but even more so to psychotherapeutic and psychosocial measures. "It's no longer comparable: the options for help are infinitely better today."

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