Depression - loved ones

Julia Dobmeier is currently completing her master's degree in clinical psychology. Since the beginning of her studies, she has been particularly interested in the treatment and research of mental illnesses. In doing so, they are particularly motivated by the idea of ​​enabling those affected to enjoy a higher quality of life by conveying knowledge in a way that is easy to understand.

More about the experts All content is checked by medical journalists.

Depression, listlessness, and depressed mood are the typical signs of depression. Relatives of those affected are often overwhelmed with the disease, because dealing with depressed people takes a lot of strength and can tarnish one's own zest for life. Read here what you as a family member can do to help yourself and the person concerned.

ICD codes for this disease: ICD codes are internationally recognized codes for medical diagnoses. They can be found, for example, in doctor's letters or on certificates of incapacity for work. F53F39F92F33F34

Depression: loved ones also suffer

When someone falls ill with depression, it also brings about major changes for the environment. For example, the formerly cheerful and active person concerned now complains a lot, constantly feels guilty and feels hopeless and lacking in motivation.

Dealing with depression is a major challenge for everyone involved. Do not let yourself be unsettled. It is important that you deal with the disease. The better you know, the more understanding you can show the person affected and be of help to them and yourself.

Depression & partnership

Depression and partnership can often only be combined with great effort. A partnership thrives on mutual give and take. But people in a depressed phase are heavily dependent on support, but are hardly able to give anything back.

Sexuality also suffers. Depressed people often lose interest in sex and reject their partner's sexual needs. If that is the case in your relationship too, remember: the lost interest in sex does not mean that your depressed partner no longer loves you and rejects you, it is a hallmark of the depression.

Overall, when the partner is depressed, the relationship and one's own affection are put to the test. You may feel guilty about not being able to help your partner and you may even get angry with them. If the depression lasts longer, there is often a feeling of overload, overwhelming and exhaustion because you are emotionally stressed and have to relieve the patient of many tasks.

Accept the disease

Depression is a serious illness that affects, among other things, drive, mood, sleep, and the ability to experience joy. This knowledge is just as crucial for relatives as it is for the person affected. Depression is not a mood or bad intent and is by no means a sign of a weakness of character. Anyone can get depression!

Support with the doctor's visit

If someone is depressed, joyless, and listless for a long period of time, it is important to seek professional help. In this first step, many of those affected depend on the support of their relatives. Depressed people often lack the drive to schedule a doctor's appointment or they do not believe that they can be helped.

In addition, the diagnosis of depression is threatening - many people are afraid of it. However, it can also be a relief to know that the lack of zest for life is the result of a disease that can be treated well. In addition, the diagnosis relieves the patient because it becomes clear that it is not their fault if they cannot get up to anything and feel constantly depressed.

have patience

People with depression withdraw and often have a negative effect on those around them. However, social withdrawal and neglect of professional and everyday duties are typical effects of major depression. Relatives can support the patient with patience and understanding. Make yourself aware that the person's behavior is not directed against you, but is part of a depressive phase and will pass through treatment. Don't turn your back, even if your depressed loved one seems to be rejecting you.

Depression: applying hope instead of pressure

Do not put a depressed person under pressure with remarks like "Now pull yourself together a little" - because they cannot do that. Accusations are also inappropriate and only make the situation worse. In any case, the sick strongly reproach themselves and suffer from feelings of guilt because of their depression. Maintaining the relationship and not giving up on those affected will help cope with the illness. Explain to your loved one that depression is a condition that can be treated well.

Also important: Do not argue with your depressed loved one about whether their negative view of the situation is "objectively" justified or not. That too has no prospect of success. Do not evaluate the intensely experienced physical abnormalities of the depressed person and his fears of a physical illness as exaggerated or "only psychologically caused". Because depressed people do not exaggerate their experience.

Avoid well-intentioned advice

Also, be careful with well-intentioned advice: For example, do not recommend a depressed person to switch off properly and travel for a few days. Especially people with severe depression sometimes experience their joylessness even more painfully in an unfamiliar environment.

When someone withdraws completely from the outside world, it makes sense to want to cheer them up or motivate them. Good advice that could help healthy people with problems, but does not work for people who are depressed. Rather, they put the patient under pressure. Of course, not giving advice is a difficult task for loved ones. However, depression cannot be cured through activities and pleasant experiences. Depressed people are trapped in their negative thoughts and feelings and therefore need good drug and / or psychotherapeutic treatment.

Take suicidal ideation first

With severe depression, people may lose the desire to live. Thoughts of suicide are part of depressive disorder and are compounded by hopelessness and strong self-doubt. When people with depression talk about suicide, always take it seriously. About 15 percent of depressed people actually commit suicide! Inform a doctor or psychotherapist about the situation.

Patients who express suicidal thoughts can also be admitted to a clinic against their will.

Depression: loved ones need to take care of themselves

If a family member or friend has been depressed for months, it is likely to be very stressful for you. Be aware of your own limits of resilience and do not completely lose sight of your interests. It can also happen that the negative mood of the depressed can cloud your own mood as well. It is therefore important that you pay close attention to positive experiences, cultivate your friends and acquaintances and treat yourself to something good more often - without a guilty conscience towards your depressed relatives!

You should also build up a network that will support and help you in dealing with the sick person. Contact the responsible doctor or therapist. There you can get more information about dealing with depression. Corresponding self-help groups also offer help for relatives.

Don't make rash decisions

Note that depressed people see many things distorted and would certainly make some decisions differently once the illness had subsided. Take this into account in all matters that are important for your private or professional future.

Have an understanding of yourself

Constant confrontation with a depressed person can trigger a wide variety of negative emotions in you as a relative. You may feel powerless, impatient, angry, and at the same time guilty about your feelings. However, such feelings are perfectly normal. Therefore, try to take good care of yourself and do not plague yourself with unfounded feelings of guilt. Not only the sick person suffers from the effects of depression, too. Relatives are only human.

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